it became a turn on to be mistreated by them because in a twisted sort of way I was giving theem pleasure...and at least I got some attention out of it. I also didn't have to worry about a failed erection... if I got hard cool.. if not it didn't matter. They would make fun of me either way.
I was... and still am basically ugly and geeky. After years of rejection by girls when I tried normal dating... I learned about BDSM while browsing porn...it turned me on and I kept looking at it... my mind started to shift, and instead of continuing my delusions of grandeur of ever fucking these girl... I guess I looks for other ways to please them...even if it meant them kicking the shit out of me or treating me badly
My mom used to make embarrassing comments about me masturbating in the shower... or stains on sheets etc...the first girl I was ever with "super hot girl....like top 5 hottest girls in h-s at the time".. I chickened out and didn't fuck her... was in bed....got to 3rd base...panicked when I felt pussy...can't even remember what happened after that exactly... but needless to say that gf didn't last long lol She was way too hot for me anyway,